Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Everclear isn't food dammit
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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