She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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