woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
