remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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