Betty ford says i'm here all night
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
