i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
