I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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