Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
