You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
