i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
