Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize
