the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
