I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
