I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
