My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
