A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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