The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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