Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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