Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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