This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
