so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
