I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
The air was thick with penises
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
