I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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