quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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