We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize