i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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