Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
