At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize