if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
