I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
