We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
