I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
