Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize