So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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