look no pants
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
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