if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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