We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
