I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
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