I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
