i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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