He is such a slut. More and more my type.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
