but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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