I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize