Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
is that a dick in a sweater?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize