i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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