i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
