the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
