but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
