At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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