Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
