I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
