So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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