I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
