you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
