Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
