the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
