herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
