bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize